日本語>英語 翻訳練習 0034 白昼夢 7
「秘訣(ひけつ)なんだよ。秘訣なんだよ。死骸を腐らせない。……屍蝋というものになるんだ」
「屍蝋」……ある医書の「屍蝋」の項が、私の目の前に、その著者の黴(かび)くさい絵姿と共に浮んで来た。
“That is a secret method, a secret method, to prevent a cadaver from rotting. It’s grave wax”, “grave wax”......the section of this medical book that explained “grave wax” came to mind along with a very old portrait of its author.
一体全体、この男は何を云わんとしているのだ。
What on earth does this man want to say?
何とも知れぬ恐怖が、私の心臓を風船玉の様に軽くした。
Indescribable fear made my heart light like a balloon.
「……女房の脂(あぶら)ぎった白い胴体や手足が、可愛い蝋細工になって了った」
“My wife’s greasy, fair torso and limbs became pretty waxworks”
「ハハハハハ、お極(きまり)を云ってらあ。お前それを、昨日(きのう)から何度おさらいするんだい」誰かが不作法に怒鳴った。
“Hahaha, that is a cliche. How many times have you repeated it since yesterday?”, someone yelled rudely.
「オイ、諸君」男の調子がいきなり大声に変った。
“Hey, gentlemen”, the man’s voice turned louder.
「俺がこれ程云うのが分らんのか。君達は、俺の女房は家出をした家出をしたと信じ切っているだろう。ところがな、オイ、よく聞け、あの女はこの俺が殺したんだよ。どうだ、びっくりしたか。ワハハハハハハ」
……断切(たちき)った様に笑声がやんだかと思うと、一瞬間に元の生真面目な顔が戻って来た。
“You still don’t understand what I’ve said. You guys believe that my wife left home, didn’t you? Here’s the deal. I murdered that woman. Hey, were you blown away? Hahaha”...... as soon as laughter ceased like it was cut off, original seriousness came back to his face.
江戸川乱歩 『白昼夢』
https://www.aozora.gr.jp/cards/001779/files/57192_59570.html
*添削
“That is a secret method, a secret method, to prevent a cadaver from rotting.
Corrections:
“There is / I have / I know a secret method. It's a trick (<-- he repeats 秘訣, so it's actually okay to say "secret method" again if you want, I just provided another option) to keep a cadaver from rotting.
It’s grave wax”, “grave wax”.
Corrections:
It’s called 'grave wax.'” Grave wax...
the section of this medical book that explained “grave wax” came to mind along with a very old portrait of its author.
Corrections:
the section of a medical book [I knew] that explained “grave wax” came to mind, along with a very old / musty portrait of its author.
Indescribable fear made my heart light like a balloon.
Corrections:
Indescribable fear made my heart light like a balloon. (In English, "my heart was light like a balloon" is usually used to describe joy. This is a correct translation, but here is an another option: "Fear like I'd never known before seized at my heart.")
“My wife’s greasy, fair torso and limbs became pretty waxworks”
Corrections:
“My wife’s greasy, white torso and limbs became pretty waxworks” (Great translation!! This time, i used "white" because he isn't calling her pretty, but last time he was. Fair is a compliment, so if he's complimenting her here too, you can use fair)
“Hahaha, that is a cliche.
Corrections:
“Hah, that's such a cliche. (In English literature, we don't write out "hahaha" fully, but rather shorten spoken laughter to "ha" or "hah" or "heh")
“Hey, gentlemen”, the man’s voice turned louder.
Corrections:
“Hey, all of you.” The man [suddenly] raised his voice. / The man's voice suddenly became/got louder. ("Gentlemen" is polite, and last time he was being somewhat polite or friendly. This time he's angry, so I used "all of you")
“You still don’t understand what I’ve said.
Corrections:
“You still don’t get it, do you? (Slightly aggressive or rude version of "you don't understand")
You guys believe that my wife left home, didn’t you?
Corrections:
I bet you guys believe(/just think) that my wife ran off, don't you?
Here’s the deal.
Corrections:
Here’s the deal. (Very nice translation, appropriately casual/aggressive/rude)
Hey, were you blown away?
Corrections:
Hey, were you blown away?
Hahaha”.<deleted
as soon as laughter ceased like it was cut off, original seriousness came back to his face.
Corrections:
He began cackling--and then his laughter cut off in an instant, the original seriousness returning to his face.
お疲れ様です！よくできました！
