日本語>英語 翻訳練習 0031 白昼夢 5

「俺は心配で心配で」彼はそういって歌舞伎役者の様に首を振って「商売も手につかなんだ。俺は毎晩寝床の中で女房に頼んだ。手を合せて頼んだ」笑声(しょうせい)「どうか誓って呉れ。俺より外の男には心を移さないと誓って呉れ……併し、あの女はどうしても私の頼みを聞いては呉れない。まるで商売人の様な巧みな嬌態(きょうたい)で、手練手管(てれんてくだ)で、その場その場をごまかすばかりです。だが、それが、その手練手管が、どんなに私を惹きつけたか……」
“I was so worried that...” saying so, he shook his head like a kabuki actor, “I couldn’t focus on business. I begged my wife every night in the bed. I begged her with my palms together”, laughter happened, “please swear, please swear that you won’t change your heart and like someone else... but that woman wouldn’t listen to me in any way. She would only evade each of my pursuit by using her coquetry and charm like a prostitute. But how strongly her coquetry captured me....”

誰かが「ようよう、御馳走さまッ」と叫んだ。そして、笑声。
“Hey, thanks for the story”, someone yelled and laughter followed.

*添削

“I was so worried that.

Corrections:
“I was so worried about it.

I begged my wife every night in the bed.

Corrections:
I begged my wife every night in bed.

I begged her with my palms together”, laughter happened, “please swear, please swear that you won’t change your heart and like someone else.

Corrections:
I begged her with my palms together!” More laughter. “Please swear, please swear that you won’t change your heart and leave me.

but that woman wouldn’t listen to me in any way.

Corrections:
But that woman never once listened.

She would only evade each of my pursuit by using her coquetry and charm like a prostitute.

Corrections:
Like a whore, she'd just use her coquetry and charm to evade me.

But how strongly her coquetry captured me.

Corrections:
But, ah, how strongly her coquetry captured me.

“Hey, thanks for the story”, someone yelled and laughter followed.

Corrections:
“Hey, thanks for the story,” someone yelled, followed by another wave of laughter.

(✧∀✧)/ wonderful job!! Very few mistakes, mostly もっと本的になるように編集しました

「みなさん」男はそんな半畳(はんじょう)などを無視して続けた。
“Everyone”, the man went on to say, ignoring the interruptions.

「あなた方が、若(も)し私の境遇にあったら一体どうしますか。これが殺さないでいられましょうか！」
「……あの女は耳隠しがよく似合いました。自分で上手に結うのです……鏡台の前に坐っていました。結い上げた所です。綺麗にお化粧した顔が私の方をふり向いて、赤い脣でニッコリ笑いました」
　男はここで一つ肩を揺り上げて見えを切った。
“What would you do if you were in my place? Could you refrain from killing her?”, “....that woman looked great with her Mimikakushi hairstyle. She would do her hair by herself very well....she used to sit in front of a dressing table. That’s where she did her hair. Her beautifully made up face turned toward me and showed a bright smile with red lips”.
And then, the man struck a pose by moving a shoulder upward.

濃い眉が両方から迫って凄い表情に変った。
The thick eyebrows approached from both sides and she put on an unusual expression.

赤い脣が気味悪くヒン曲った。
The red lips got twisted creepily.

江戸川乱歩　『白昼夢』

https://www.aozora.gr.jp/cards/001779/files/57192_59570.html