日本語>英語 翻訳練習 0014 蜘蛛の糸1
I translated a part of a Japanese short novel into English for practicing translating.
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ある日の事でございます。御釈迦様おしゃかさまは極楽の蓮池のふちを、独りでぶらぶら御歩きになっていらっしゃいました。
One day, Shakyamuni Buddha was wandering around alone by the rim of a heavenly pond filled with lotus flowers.
池の中に咲いている蓮の花は、みんな玉のようにまっ白で、そのまん中にある金色の蕊からは、何とも云えない好い匂いが、絶間なくあたりへ溢れて居ります。極楽は丁度朝なのでございましょう。
Lotus flowers in the pond were all white like a gem. An indescribably pleasant fragrance from the golden pistils in its center was permeating the air incessantly. The heaven seemed to be right in the morning.
https://www.aozora.gr.jp/cards/000879/files/92_14545.html
*添削してもらった部分
One day, Shakyamuni Buddha was wandering around alone by the rim of a heavenly pond filled with lotus flowers.
corrections:
One day, Shakyamuni Buddha was wandering around, alone, by the rim of a heavenly pond filled with lotus flowers.
Lotus flowers in the pond were all white like a gem.
corrections:
The lotus flowers in the pond were all white like a brilliant gem.
An indescribably pleasant fragrance from the golden pistils in its center was permeating the air incessantly.
corrections:
An indescribably pleasant fragrance from the golden pistils in their centers was permeating the air.
The heaven seemed to be right in the morning.
corrections:
Heaven seemed to be right that morning.